SCANNER vs Drugs

What are you trying to do to combat this void?

I'll get to that later, I'm trying to quit smoking now since it costs me £70 a week to support my habit, so I think it would be befitting to talk about my old vices. Let it be known that I take a very neutral stance on drugs, I don't condone them but I don't oppose them either. I just like getting fucked up but I wouldn't wish it on anybody else (The hangovers are killer). Back in the day, 4 years ago to be exact,  I was living in Liverpool I made friends with a drug dealer who owed me a lot of money, which meant free drugs (long story, which I'll get into later). Huzzah.

It was at this point where I really got into ecstasy and weed, but I was mostly drinking back then. I had good times, I had bad times, there were times I felt like a powered up super sayian and times I felt like the vilest filth that should be wiped out from existence. However, the most I remember from my trips is the massive, costly mistakes I made. Oh, and that Quantum Conundrum is the best damn game you can ever play whilst high on molly (Yeah, I play games whilst high on MDMA, I don't rave). So if you ever find yourself scoring some sweet Class A and B, for the love of god don't make the same mistakes I've made.

I also got more advice, if you're gonna take ecstasy, don't drink lots of water. People have stated that people often die of dehydration but little do people know that too much hydration can kill you as well. Something about water not being sweated out and flooding your brain, the fuck if I know. What I do is buy two cans of ginger ale. One to rehydrate, and another to combat the nausea that comes with the hangover, ginger ale is really good for nausea. Never take too much of the stuff, pace yourself for a few hours, and always check erowid for more information on what you're taking.

Drugs and business do not mix
4 Years ago, a friend invited me to the house of this drug dealer named Joe (His real name was Yusef, I think he was trying to hide his identity; poorly I imagine), this is when I tried ecstasy for the first time. I felt all lovey dovey and dreamlike, as we walked to the cornershop for some drinks, I spoke my mind and said 'Wouldn't it be nice to have a business?'. Joe thought the same, and knew that I have inherited a lot of money, and that his family worked in real estate. The plan was I was gonna pose as Joe's girlfriend's half brother, pay a £7000 deposit on a nearby kebab shop and do all the signatures and shit. He'd help run the business. Seemed to be a good idea at the time, I get to own a business before I'm 30; but here is one lesson that I learnt later, everything seems like a good and simple idea whilst on molly. Even the bad and stupid ones.

So, I sobered up the day after, I withdrew £7000 out the bank, signed a few documents; but we hit a snag. We needed a guarantor for the business. I left the £7000 with Joe, but calamity struck, his dad had a tumor in his nose or something and needed medical bills need paying. So he went on a coke bender and betted my £7000 on a fucking horse. Never knew the horse's name. He was crying when I saw him and told me to slit his neck with a knife he had. As if I'd get done for murder. We could've been successful and he threw it all away in an idiotic move. I had the million mile stare, I was beyond upset.

So I decided to live with him until he paid me back. Only lived with him for a few months, I couldn't handle the drama between him and his girlfriend, she got pregnant and was so stressed out with Joe's tomfoolery she wanted to cut her stomach open with a pair of fucking scizzors. I moved back to my family for some needed space. Joe has now moved out of Liverpool and no-one knows where he is. £7000 gone. All because of mixing with the wrong type of people... should've known better. I don't know what became of Joe, but his kid will grow up not ever knowing his father. Wish I could run away from my problems like that.


Mdma and sex don't mix.

Here is a lighter note on my drug escapades, one time I scored some MDMA back when I was living in Clockface; and thought 'You know what would be a good idea? Having a pornhub account.' Like I said, everything seems like a good idea when you're on molly. So I completed my registration and got talking to this cam girl.  As much as I can remember, we was talking about dreams and fan fiction as she was sucking on a dildo; I wasn't even masturbating, molly kills the boner you see, you can't get hard whilst you're high on MDMA.

We trailed off from the sexy talk and just ended up talking normally about shit for a few minutes, I wasn't even trying to get my rocks off, I just liked the novelty of talking to a cam girl. Even tipped her £2 for the conversation. But little do I know I spent more than £2. I checked my back account and I was down £70. I spent £70 on talking to a camgirl about fan fiction and cosplay. I didn't even cum.

What has this all got to do with the void?

Well, drugs are a good way to escape the mundanity of the day. Even washing dishes becomes fun whilst under the influence of drugs. I don't take them nowadays but part of me misses the good times I had whilst under the influence of molly. I had some fun times but now I need to find a way to have fun sober. If I do find some new way of having fun whilst sober, I'll tell you. Used to be mad about videogames which I will talk about the next time I post a blog. I wish I had something more substantial and life changing to talk about about drugs, but all I can say is they temporarily skewed my emotions and perceptions whilst I was on them; for the better too. But the deadly hangovers are not worth it. At times I'd be so weak I wouldn't be able to leave the bed for hours, rotting in a pitiful state of depression. The void returns tenfold after you've partook in illegal substances.

So I always took to heart that drugs are a temporary release from banality and should never be taken in large doses, should be taken once between months of a time. Molly can induce a transcendental existence where you feel at peace with the world, but it is only temporary. Life is temporary too. Only written word can have permanence. Let writing be my new drug of choice.